I know I've been absent around here, but I've been lacking inspiration, drive and energy. My work has been sucking more energy out of me than usual and therefore the motivation to write and create content has been scarce.
Unfortunately, in the last few days of work there have been some events that I thought should be shared, even more so at a time so close to women's day when we are reminded even more of what a woman goes through in life, just for being a woman.
I have to share my story because even if it doesn't reach many people, some are already enough.
My work station is right next to the river, which usually means that there are always people passing by and it becomes a busy area, but since the beginning of March it has been rougher weather in my city and consequently, people have not been spending as much time by the waterfront. One day, when it was raining and there wasn't even a fisherman in sight, an individual came inside my work post and closed the door, something that customers don't usually do. It was immediately a sign that made me wary. The man entered without a mask (something that is not yet allowed), closed the door, and stared at me. The man was giving off a very suspicious energy and I felt quite intimidated, to the point that I was not quite able to call his attention to the mask. The questions the man asked me were somewhat vague and seemed to be questions just to pass the time while he watched me and analyzed my surroundings. They were questions that had little to do with my work, but out of courtesy I did the research. The man kept looking at me the whole time as if I were a piece of food. However, when he was no longer capable of asking me any more random questions he left. When he left I felt an immense relief, in that small space of time my body became super tense as if sensing the intentions of the guy. After a few hours the man came back into my office again, closing the door completely, only to ask me my name. After that my sixth sense went off and I became even more alert. The man left and I became nervous and any sound of footsteps that I heard outside my post left me on edge. I told my boyfriend and he met me at my work, kept me company and when I finished my shift he walked me to my car. I didn't feel safe to leave there alone. That same day I talked to my parents and they were apprehensive themselves. In the following days my boyfriend always made sure to pick me up from work and my father would visit me regularly. While I was there I observed who passed by and I think I saw the man passing by there again, but on those days there were people walking around and the cafe had people on the deck. As nothing else occurred, I relaxed.
However, yesterday was a foul weather again and so there were no people passing by. Before my lunch hour the individual approached me again, entering the office without a mask and closing the door completely. As soon as I saw him approaching I was immediately alert, my body tensed up and ready to run. Addressing me as if we knew each other, he once again started asking questions on subjects that had nothing to do with my work. Always close, watching and analyzing me, asking questions to make time and stay there. This man was making me extremely uncomfortable and I tried to make as little eye contact as possible, I tried to answer the questions as quickly as possible so that he would leave. Before he left, the last question he asked me was "So, do you have any plans after work today?"
When I heard this question, I froze. I thought " WTF DUDE! This man is watching me and wants to know what I do after work..." a giant red flag! I quickly said I had plans and he left without saying anything else. As soon as he left I burst into tears. I was panicking, I was scared, and I called my boyfriend right away. He came to me right away, helped me calm down. While he was comforting me, a friend of ours asked for the man's description and quickly set out to find him. Meanwhile I went to lunch, my parents said I should call my superiors, that it was not safe for me to work at that post again. I was shaking the whole time, I was kind of in shock and I was scared, I didn't feel safe there at all. When I got to the post again, I called my superior to explain the situation, all while my boyfriend and our friend were watching the post and looking for someone with the descriptions I gave.
The conversation I had with my superior was something out of this world. I can't even really explain it... Now that 24 hours have passed I think about that conversation and feel a mixture of anger, incredulity and the urge to laugh. I tried to explain to my superior the whole situation and that I didn't feel safe at all. Most of the conversation was him being condescending, like I was exaggerating the situation and there wasn't really any kind of danger. I've had several men approach me, complimenting me, things like that, but I never felt any malice, I didn't feel totally comfortable, but I never felt afraid, I never felt like I was in danger. This man made me panicky and alert from the first time he spoke to me. So I was not exaggerating, not at all. Nothing that makes me feel unsafe and makes me feel that my person is in any way compromised should be dismissed. Things don't just happen to others. After I exposed my fear, my superior's answer was the following: "You know, you are very beautiful, but it wasn't your outer beauty that attracted that man, it was your inner light. When there is a great source of good energies, there is a tendency for this light to attract good things, but it also happens that this light can attract bad and unbalanced people like that man. It is normal that you attract this kind of people, you who radiate inner light and balance". Fortunately we talked on the phone because if I had gone in person he would have seen my incredulous face. How stupid... I say that I am insecure, that I am afraid, and his answer is that it's natural for my inner light to attract this kind of people... Great help. I had my boss assure me that the guy would never do anything to me, that in the 20 years he had worked there nothing bad had ever happened, when a month ago we had another man threatening a colleague of mine and assaulting another. What kind of security does this give me? None.
Meanwhile, I was trying to calm down with my boyfriend, my superior arrives to check on the situation and they start discussing the issue. In the middle of all this our friend calls me to identify the man and effectively the man was back, lurking around my work station. Once again I felt anxiety entering my body. He really was there, hanging around, probably waiting for me to leave work to approach me again. Only when my superior saw the man and realized that the threat really existed did he decide to do something. I changed my post and i'm no longer going back there for the rest of the month. At great cost and effort from my boss (not really) they were able to change my schedule. If it wasn't for my boyfriend pressuring, my relocation to another post would not have been a priority. While the 3 of them were talking and deciding what to do, the man realized that they were there on my behalf and decided to leave. After it was made clear that I would never work in that post again, I went to finish my shift in another post and my boyfriend and our friend went after the man to figure out what he was doing next.
The little stalking they did was enough to realize that he was frequenting other places where the only person working was a young girl. That girl admitted that it was not the first time that man had been there and that it made her uncomfortable too. So it was a suspicious behavior that he had in various places with "easy prey".
My fear was not misplaced. This man was on the hunt. The two of them approached the individual and fortunately it was not necessary to resort to violence, but the man was warned. His face was marked and so any attempt on his part to visit the post again would have much worse consequences for him. The matter was left at that, and the threat was solved.
I spent the rest of yesterday tense, afraid and always looking over my shoulder. My boyfriend visited me again to see how I was doing and I managed to relax a bit. But I tell you, my sixth sense was on high alert with that man and the whole situation. I was fortunate to have two men defending me and looking out for my safety. My father was also ready to go after the man and take matters into his own hands. Now imagine someone who doesn't have anyone close who could assist in this situation. With a boss who doesn't fully assess the situation and who undermines what could have happened, it could happen again and even get worse. The only advice would have been "you have to learn to control your fears and be more alert". That's what makes me most angry. It's the fact that I alerted to a situation that compromised my safety and was belittled. Lucky for me my boyfriend and his friend had my back and went after the guy. Lucky for me I had someone who believed in me.
I, being a woman, know what it is to be afraid to walk alone on the street at night. I, being a woman, know what it is to have a man look at me and realize that his intentions are not good. To hear "oh, you're pretty, it's normal for these things to happen". No people, it shouldn't be normal for me or any woman to feel uncomfortable with a man's gaze and interaction. It can't be normal for a man to approach me so casually and think I am at his disposal. I'm not saying I don't like receiving compliments, I obviously do, and I've received them without feeling like they wanted to do something bad to me. I have received compliments without feeling in danger. I'm not so stupid and insensitive that I can't tell the difference. It infuriates me that this matter has been treated so condescendingly. They made me feel I created an unnecessary fuss. They made me feel I am not important enough for something to be done.
How much longer do we women have to deal with situations like this, where our safety is at stake and nothing is done. How many more times do we have to be threatened, assaulted, or worse, for measures to be taken to protect ourselves. How many women have no support in these situations and live their days in fear. Yesterday I felt fear, but I bet many others did too and had no one to validate that fear. Before that, many other women were approached inappropriately and feared for their lives. From now on there are still going to be many women who will be afraid to make the walk home. Sadly these unfortunate situations will continue to happen. Yesterday it was me, but it could also have been you, your mother, your sister, your girlfriend... so please always pay attention, check if everything is okay. If you need company or to talk to someone to feel safe walking home ask for it. Don't underestimate your sixth sense. If someone tells you they don't feel safe, help, be present, and acknowledge their fear. Stay safe. Stay united. Value each other.
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